Then & Now

(Written somewhere between being on the road and being back)


I have no words to write,
I have so much to say,
Can't recount tales
Of today, or yesterday.
They say a picture is worth
A thousand words
I have so many to share,
But not sure how you'd interpret them
Not sure if you'd understand
Not sure that you'd care.

To understand, you needed to
Have lived my life this past year.
Experienced new suns, people,
Laughter and music,
Places, tastes, smells,
Colours, words, pleasures.
Tears have been shed,
Fears have been conquered.
New love has been discovered
In everything, in every place.

And now, now that I'm back here,
Trying to be present,
I have this constant queasy feeling
An ache that torments.
I yearn to be transported
To the time I started writing this,
A time of rapture
A time of bliss.
This numbness I feel
Needs to disappear pronto.

Sunsets on open roads

Written during my trip, possibly while on a bus. Approximately completed on 16th Nov 2014



A new sunset everyday
A new place, new landscape.
My mind wanders,
It goes astray
Driving down this highway.

Random thoughts enter my mind
Empty promises and broken dreams.
Lost causes, doomed relationships,
And then amidst all of this I find
Newfound friendships that bind.

These sunsets evoke memories
They speak to me
They touch my soul.
I close my eyes
Enjoying the sensations that engulf me.

Dream or Reality

Written on my trip. Possibly edited & completed on 23rd Aug 2014

Dream or Reality?

I had a dream
I made it my reality.
Now people say
I'm living a tale
They say I need
A sense of normality.
They ask if I'm lost
They ask me what I'm looking for.
This is now my version
Of normality,
Of being grounded
To a reality
Unknown to all
But me.

This journey I've embarked on
It's sole purpose
Is to live a life
Of constant anticipation.
The excitement, the adrenaline
The fist pump moments
Is not the means to an end
But simply a way of living.
The further I go
The better I know
The more I look
The clearer I see.
This is exactly how
My world is meant to be.

Single girl pet peeves

Discrimination does exist in society. Everyone faces some form of it during their lifetime. I consider myself as pretty easy going but there's one kind of discrimination that I absolutely refuse to sit down and take. It's the single girl discrimination. Every time I walk into a restaurant and ask for a table for one, I get strange looks from the staff. I also get strange pitiful looks from fellow patrons. I can see them trying to work out my story. All I want to do is order a coffee and chocolate cake! I also really want to take my time and enjoy my meal so it annoys me when the waiter tries to rush me and I contemplate taking even longer to finish my meal. In the end I settle by ordering more food or leaving without tipping him/her! Same scenario, works a bit different if a single guy walks into a restaurant. People observe him and have already categorised him as being mysterious and soulful. So not fair!

And this is just at a restaurant. One's social circle can also apply inconsistencies in their treatment of a single girl and a single guy. These are some of the most annoying and infuriating questions/statements/comments/thoughts directed at single girls and guys. So discriminatory.

Immediate Family of a single girl- So are you sure you're not seeing anyone?

Extended family ( Uncles/Aunts etc. ) - Do you like girls?

Immediate/Extended family of a single guy - No questions asked, no explanations required.

Colleagues of a single girl - You're too fussy and particular, I can just see that. 

Colleagues of a single guy - You're the man! Which bar should we go to after work?

Females who are supervised by a single girl - I don't understand why you're single? You need to go out more and meet more people...go to bars. 

(Males supervised by a single girl are simply too intimidated to say anything!)

Females who are supervised by a single guy - He's such a hottie. I wonder why he hasn't settled down yet? Maybe he hasn't found the right woman for him. (Unless the single guy is an absolute asshole of a boss!)

Males supervised by a single guy - Happy hour starts at 5 tonight. Let's get wasted!

Boss of a single girl - You need a life ( What they mean is you need a man! ) 

Also.....You need to relax or you'll burn yourself too early.

Boss of a single guy - You got your priorities sorted. Now let's discuss the next step in your career over drinks on Friday after work.

Friends of a single girl - You don't go out enough.

Or.....You need to get out more.

And....What happened to that guy.....? ( Makes mention of a random guy with whom you had a 30 second conversation at a bar 2 months ago )

And.....You just don't give people a chance.

And of course....You always shut guys down.

And, my all time favourite which gets used every single time....

You just need to put yourself out there.

Meanwhile, in a parallel universe on Planet Earth, in a single guy's world............this conversation in non-existent.

Hate

I hate talking when I first wake up. 

I hate people being chirpy and bubbly before 8 a.m. Give me a chance to get some caffeine into my system!

I hate people being fake. Everyone can see through you, so stop.

I hate it when people expect me to maintain eye contact and give them full attention while they are explaining something that will take a minute, and manage to drag it into 15. Let me multitask at least if you're going to be that slow about it!

I hate lies. I also hate it when people get caught in their lies. You can't even do that right so give it up, will you?!

I hate drainers who waffle on about their miseries. Suck it up, there's worse things out there.

I hate it when people ask you to dream. I especially hate it when they don't live up to the dream they made me dream.

Hate...such a strong four-letter word. It both creates as well as destroys. I don't hate people, never really have. I hate the things they do, I hate the lies they speak, I hate the false dreams they weave.

Loss

I tried to forget, I failed. I tried to remember, thinking that over-thinking will make me bored and force me to forget....I failed. I tried once again to forget and failed yet again. Now I'm at a loss, loss of ideas, thoughts, words. Can't hold on, can't let go. I'm angry with you, but even more at myself. I say that it's your loss, but the loss is truly mine.

Remember you/ Remember me

 Fragments are all I remember

Fragments are what I have left.

The last time we talked

The last time I saw your face

The last time we kissed

I barely recall.

I saw you standing at the pier

I see me standing on a bridge

Our eyes meet for the briefest of moments

And it's déjà vu all over again.

I'll let you go tomorrow

Stay with me tonight.

Pieces of you and me

Remnants of yesterday.

Words spoken and unspoken

Butterflies, fantasies and lost tears

All part of the same puzzle

Whose parts I seem to have misplaced.