Ignorance is Bliss???

It's been a while I've written..it's been a while I've made time to breathe. Completely been caught up in mundane activities thereby depriving my soul. Kept myself busy, distracted  and unfulfilled. 

Was talking to a friend about stuff, and all of a sudden the truth hit me. I said, " Ignorance is bliss". I do believe that now. A year ago I had short term plans/goals. I have always been a firm believer in setting goals. For some reason cannot set long term ones but always set six/twelve monthly goals and actions to achieve them. 

Last year I set goals of becoming a manager of a small branch, and then to move on to a medium sized branch by July this year, all of which I achieved. I also set myself a goal to become a manager of a large sized branch after 18 months i.e. by February 2014.

I'm not too sure anymore. An experience changed me and is drawing me towards making some life changes. I want to put a stop to goal setting and achieving on the career front. I'm tending towards living a dream now. 

They say change is the only constant in life. I'm experiencing this firsthand. I have changed, my path is changing. I'm not sure whether it's for the better or not. I wish I was in the dark, I wish I was unaware how clueless I was. Now, I'm aware. Hence, ignorance is truly bliss in my case. Everything is different. I am lost, I have no passion left. I wish I had the courage to embrace this cluelessness and forge ahead. I wish I find the courage to take this risk.

Want

Today I progressed. I deleted the notes we wrote. I deleted the hopes we shared. I deleted it all. I want new notes, I want new hopes. I want things to be easy. I want everything my way. Sick of hanging on. Want to let go. I want a fresh start. I want a new adventure. I want to forget and yet I have some amazing memories which I can't afford to forget. I want it all and I want it now.

Leap of faith

I sit here and think of all the times I've taken a chance, a risk and not many instances come to mind. I wonder why as I always have been unconventional, unrestrained by norms. I've hated boundaries and have hardly ever stuck to them. Why then have I hardly taken the plunge?


It could perhaps be because I've hardly ever had someone take a chance on me. I've had to work for everything, never got anything for free. I may have had some success in overcoming obstacles, but I still have earned every ounce of my achievement. Success in your professional life has very little to do with success in your personal life and vice versa. I consider myself to be quite successful when it comes to my career. However, on the personal front, not so much. I guess I put too much of myself into work and don't play enough. Most of my risks have been in my professional life and they've worked out. On the other hand, I treat my personal life with caution. The few times I've taken a risk in that department, I've been snubbed. Now, I'm totally out of my comfort zone if I'm asked to take a risk. Recently I took one which didn't work out too well for me. Question is, should I stop while I'm ahead or throw caution to the wind? I'm waiting for someone to take that leap of faith for me, before I jump.

Breaking Point

Worlds colliding
Pulling me apart,
No common ground left.
Always drifting, 
Always searching,
I find no satisfaction 
In any zone.
Fulfillment is non-existent.
Don't know when I've reached a summit
Don't know when to stop.


I don't like complicated.
I'm persistent 
In reaching my goals.
Every goal now seems contradictory,
Every voice seems critical.
Never having cared for approval
In the past,
This feeling, I can't handle.
Tired of fighting
Now hear me scream.

I want to break free

Lately life seems to be at a standstill. My friends are growing up, doing the responsible adult things, getting engaged or married, having babies, buying properties etc. I, on the other hand, seem to be regressing back into my teenage years. I still cringe at the thought of husbands, babies, basically any sort of commitment. The only thing I want to plan for is my weekend! In retrospect, I'm glad that this is the only thing I need to plan for at this stage. Even though the monotony can sometimes be a drainer, that definitely is the lesser evil.

Someone recently said to me that women yearn for drama in their lives, and when we don't get enough of it, we create a situation where drama is inevitable. I disagree. I believe women have too many things on their mind, hence we don't need to create a situation. Drama, may simply arise as a direct consequence of us multi-tasking and the rest of the world ( AKA our male counterparts )not being able to keep up with our pace. Then of course, it was a man who claimed women crave drama!

For now, all I want is to live without the pressures of responsibilities and expectations, to explore avenues without being constricted, all I want is sweet freedom.

To New Beginnings

A few years ago I decided to shut myself from the world. Held on to the handful of friends I already had, made cautious and sensible choices. I was a Miss Goody-Two-Shoes to the world. It's taken me quite a few years to wake up and realize that the only person who missed out was me.  I've finally opened my eyes to all that's waiting to be explored by me.

Now I choose to live life with a bit more reckless abandon. Still somewhat cautious, but less serious about life. Still making sensible choices, but this time basing them on intuition as well as logic. I don't regret any of my decisions in the past, they've made me the person I am today. I guess I needed to take that time to shut myself in, I guess I wasn't completely ready to let go. Don't know if I'll ever be at the stage where I'll completely let go, but at least I'll make an effort to do things differently. I'll make an effort to put myself out there and enjoy all of life's fragrances and flavours. I'm so glad to begin this new chapter.

All or nothing

The problem I have is that I can't seem to pick anything in the middle. It's got to be extremes. I've either wanted it all, and if I couldn't have it all I'd do without. I often wonder if that's the correct approach  but just can't seem to change. I fail to understand how one simply settles. Perhaps that's the reason I'm not relationship material. Even in my friendships I am the same. I'm either attached or cold. Same with my career. It's either failure and move on, or success. Mediocrity doesn't exist in my world, at least I've never stood for it. Perhaps one day I will get used to rejection, failure, and mediocre will suffice. Today, enough, simply doesn't exist in my vocabulary. I choose to fall, bruise, and get up. I'm the most stubborn person I know. For now, I'll have it all.